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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Archive for the ‘general’ Category

GEEK DEFINITION OF THE DAY

Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

“FAKE SHEMP” – Named after Shemp Howard, of Three Stooges fame, who passed away mid-contract with Columbia Pictures.  Shemp replaced his brother, Curly, as the brunt of Moe and Larry’s contempt, but even in death could find no cinematic peace.  Using older footage coupled with an body double whose face was  obscured, the Stooges were able to complete the final four films in their agreement.

Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi actually coined the term during the filming of their delayed plagued, indie opus The Evil Dead after several actors had to leave due to other (paying) commitments.

Gene Hackman’s shoulder and dubbed voice in Superman II is the most frequently noted example of teh fake Shemp after problems with the producers forced he and director, Richard Donner, out of the sequel. However our personal favorite is the stand-in for Martin Sheen during his heart attack while making Apocalypse Now! If it ain’t his face in that one, it ain’t him. Coppola is the king of editing!

 

Mola Ram Needs a Hug

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

Recently I was called a “Temple of Doom apologist” after suggesting that the opening scene of that movie might be more engaging than the gigantic, perfectly smooth boulder careening down a tunnel-like cave gag from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Granted that, cinematically, it’s tough to top the faces of melting Nazis; which is probably why Temple of Doom gets it’s bad rap as the Raiders sequel.  True, those rock mines were jack-boot free, but…dammit!  There was a guy down there wearing a ram skull, enslaving children, drinking blood, and yanking the beating hearts out of disbelievers!  So that’s got to count for something?

 

TELEVISON RECAST

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

If, for some reason, you found yourself as a casting agent responsible for only modern re-boots of classic TV, what would be your stress level?  Seriously, these things are nerve-racking; you can’t just throw Betty White and Andre Braugher in shows all the time.

Lets start with your basic large ensemble.  The Love Boat (’77-‘87).  Not great television, however not without its charms either. ABC even tried updating it in the late ‘90s with Bob Urich (now recasting Spenser: For Hire is a project for another day).  Problem was, they built it based on the Star Trek: The Next Generation formula without the aliens or good writing.

Okay, here’s what our experts are yellin’ about for a modern cast.

Captain Merrill Stubing – Delroy Lindo – The hard-ass family man who chewed the scenery around Mel Gibson in Ransom and has recently tv’d in Chicago Code and the surprisingly entrancing Kidnapped.

Doctor Adam “Doc” Bricker– Alec Baldwin – Now that 30 Rock is kaput, it’s time the aging lothario got green-lit to retire to the high seas.

Cruise Director Julie McCoy – Julia Stiles – Totally underutilized in the Bourne franchise, it’s time this Ms. Stiles takes center stage in the 4 o’clock Macarena contest.

Purser Burl “Gopher” Smith – John Ritter’s kid, Jason, is pretty good.  Maybe give a little life to the guy who locks up rich people’s pearls in the ship’s vault for a livin’ while pining away for a girl way out of his tax bracket.

Bartender Isaac Washington – Method Man – Seriously!!!!! That guy’s a party. Pouring drinks. Dispensing stoner wisdom. Smiling while surrounded by a life-ring in the opening credits. No. Seriously!!!!!

Ace and Vicki are still question marks, but our staff seems genuinely agreed that Charo cannot be recast, in fact, she can show up whenever she wants to play Charo at any age.

 

The “Five W’s” of ‘80s Movies

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

Name the movie if you can.

“Who’s the Shogun of Harlem?”

“You know what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like this?”

“Dong, where is my automobile?”

“Your stepmom is cute, though…Remember when I asked her to the prom?”

“Why is the cork on the fork?”

Finally, An Awards Show for Robots Like Me

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

Best Performance in an Ongoing Live-Action Television Program by a Robot in a Significant Supporting Role.  And the nominees are:

  1. Robot in Lost in Space (’65-’68)
  2. Twiki and Dr. Theopolis in Buck Rogers in the 25th
    Century (’79-’81)
  3. K.I.T.T. in Knight Rider (’82-’86)
  4. Roboz in Riptide (’84-’86)
  5. Vicki in Small Wonder (’85-’89)
  6. Lt. Commander Data in Star Trek: The Next
    Generation (’87-’94)
  7. Cameron in Terminator: The Sarah Connor
    Chronicles (’08-’09)
  8. Cylon Lt. Sharon “Boomer” Valerii in Battlestar
    Galactica (’04-’09)

 

    * The Nominating Committee is prepared to take crap for the following omissions:  Number Six and the rest of
    the Cylon community, as well as, all of the Borg.

    ** We will defend to the death the omission of those stupid looking Dalek and any robot made by either Screech or
    Urkel!

    ***Unfortunately both Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo were ineligible for nomination based on the deduction that
    their presence would landslide voting and make the entire exercise moot.  Yep.  Moot.

    GEEK DEFINITION OF THE DAY

    Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

    “GREEN SCREEN” – Technically this is called “chroma keying,”
    and it replaced old timey (and labor intensive) traveling mattes.  It allows two static or moving images to be
    combined and appear seamless. Green or blue backgrounds are used because they
    have the least connection in color to human skin tones.  That’s why your weatherman never wears a
    green tie. If he did that storm front over Kansas would look like it was headed
    right for his heart.

    The Most Un-Comic Con Thing Ever

    Friday, July 22nd, 2011

    In years past we’ve brought you pictures of Bill Cosby in awesomely ’80s sweaters and a chronology of John Travolta’s hair. Today we are a little horrified to present to you the most Un-Comic Con thing ever, ever! Wait for it…

    Pictures of Sandra Bullock and Matthew McConaughey smiling.

     

     

     

     

    Somehow We Missed Vin Diesel’s Birthday!!!!

    Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

    Mark Sinclair Vincent has taught us so much over the past 44 years, we’re embarrassed to say we let his birthday slip by without comments.  So as a peace offering, here’s a few of our favortive Diesel-isms (you gotta do the voice, say ’em out loud, and look as self important as possible – that’s the fun part)

    Private Caparz0 from Saving Priovate Ryan: “You gotta pay attention to detail, I know exactly where he’s from and I know exactly what he did ‘cuz I pay attention to detail.”

    The Iron Giant from The Iron Giant: “I am not a gun.”

    Chris Varick from Boiler Room: “Don’t you have a menorah you can shove up your ass?”

    Riddick from Pitch Black: “All you people are so scared of me. Most days I’d take that as a compliment.”

    Dom Toretto from The Fast and the Furious: “I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.”

     

    The Daily Jim World News Round Up

    Monday, July 18th, 2011

    With Harry Potter and the wiz kids getting all the press last week and Comic Con sucking the air out of these here internets this week a few global  items got dropped from the the 24 news feed.

    In Vancouver, our neighbor to the north, a guy dressed as the Greek god of death yet wearing a bullet-proof vest is handing out business cards and water to the homelsss.

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/british-columbia/real-life-superhero-takes-to-vancouvers-streets/article2098046/

    In Israel, McDonald’s has pulled its “McFalafel” from the menu. No word yet on who’s to blame for letting that thing get on there in the first place.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jul/12/mcdonalds-withdraws-mcfalafel-israeli-restaurants

    Here at home, and after months of seclusion, Admiral Ackbar, former Rebel Alliance leader and candidate for Ole Miss mascot has had his website hacked by Asian fertility specialists,

    http://www.notatrap.org/

    The only thing that did make the newsreel was Kelly Osbourne yelling at some kids in London and then Tweeting about her superheroic feats. Way to go E Network!

    http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b252007_look_out_london_kelly_osbourne_fights.html?cmpid=rss-000000-rssfeed-365-celebritynews&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_celebritynews

     

    Harry Potter and the Legion of Fanboys

    Friday, July 15th, 2011

    Hogwarts is a mystery to me. And that’s okay. I was a fully functioning adult when J.K. Rowling hit pay dirt with her first book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. My intern, Ben, however was a pup in ’97 and cannot recall with any clarity a Voldemort free world. So it was no surprise when he donned a robe and a pair of over-sized glasses to tailgate at the googleplex before the midnight show of Deathly Hollows Part 2 last night.  He claims that Harry Potter is his Star Wars.

    It’s not a bad analogy; one that’s been brought up before – Luke/Harry, Voldemort/Vader, Han and Leia/Ron and Hermione. Most other awesomely-awesome fantastic fantasy movies from the ’70s and ’80s were mostly not meant for kids, but we watched the hell out of freakin’ Blade Runner and Heavy Metal any time they were on HBO anyway! Fantasy for children were usually one-offs, never requiring to a sequel (Booooo, Neverending Story 2!). Potter and the wiz kids have had 7 books and 8 movies.  Time Bandits, Legend, Labyrinth, and Willow still have their place in our collective memory, but it isn’t like Star Wars or this Potter thing.  When these dorks are in their thirties they’ll be doing Quidditch jokes faster than Han can shoot Greedo. They’ll be going to dorky conventions and inviting their buddies over to watch Prisoner of Azkaban the way we watch Empire Strikes Back.

    Ben will most likely be late for work today, he’ll be smiling, hungover, and probably still have a lightning bolt Sharpied onto his forehead.  I will understand, then send him out for coffee insisting that he wear a Darth Vader helmet. You know… because Vader kicks ass and respect must be paid to the original Dark Lord.

    Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

    1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always […]

    Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

    The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing […]

    Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

    Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, […]

    Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

    This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson […]

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    Gentleman Jim

    • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

    • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

    • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

    • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

    • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…