“VARIANT COVER” – A comic book produced with different covers for the express purpose of having you, the comic fan boy, boy multiple copies of the same thing. Sometimes many covers will create a larger tapestry or work of art; others will be in 3-D; or have alternative concepts. We all love art or we wouldn’t be hooked on comics; variant cover prey on that notion (says the guy with all of the Marvel FF and Thunderbolts variants from this year’s series relaunches). Variants operate under the same principle as tattoo addiction: one is okay, but three is bad-ass (unless you’re an adult buying comics while trying to explain variants to justify your own fix). Yikes!
Archive for May, 2013
1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow
2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos
3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca
4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical
5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag
6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group
7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas
8) Your Parents Basement is Always an Option- motivational lecture tour
9) Aliens vs. Care Bears (AvC) feature film
10) Magic Mike Happy Meal toys
The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced. There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not.
It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home). The thing is, the writing was so good that one they dialed in Season 2 it could just focus on dialogue and social commentary. WKRP in Cincinnati had the goods, but was completely negated by that continuation series in the early ’90s The Office, while great, still can’t match that without heavily relying on unbelievable scenarios. Denis Leary’s short lived, The Job, had its roots in Barney, but strayed when it took it out of the office (then just got mean). Cheers was its own thing entirely, as well as winner of Our Best Final Season Award! Then there’s Sports Night. It flewas close to the sun as it could on wings of wax.
So, we’ll sit in front of our office TV playing the air-guitar bass line to Barney Miller while watching American Ninja Warrior this summer and wait for whoever is in charge of television to answer our questions. Mostly, because we can’t dream of writing like Barney’s team ourselves and we’re also waaaay too lazy to build a Salmon Ladder for ninja training.
Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class.
5)”Last night, Darth Vader came down from Planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn’t take Lorraine out, that he’d melt my brain.”
4) “Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party tonight.”
3) “Used to call me Crazy Joe! Now the can call me Bat-man!”
2) “… When you’re cool, the sun shine on you 24 hours a day.”
1) “Welcome to Indiana basketball.”
This Weekend is legendary Indy 500. Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming. Oh no, my friends.
Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson from The Brady Bunch sang the National Anthem and a stealth bomber flew over the track. After borrowing some hamburger buns from a dead ringer for Scooby-Doo’s pal Shaggy sitting in a mini-van painted like the Mystery Machine, we watched a line form to have photos taken with Jim Neighbors from the Andy Griffith Show.
I had a great time! I’m not begrudging the event. In fact, Billy D. is there right now. But just because this all happens outdoors, in the sun, and there’s the potential for cars bursting into flame does this mean these geeks get a pass from our oppressors, the jocks? Let’s see what happens this Sunday, maybe there’ll be a LARP battle on the infield during the yellow flag lap?
Marvel Superhero Sound Effects!!!
“Thwip” – The sound Spider-Man’s web-shooters make when dispensing web fluid to trap evil in tightly knitted webs.
“Snikt” – Wolverine’s claws slicing through the back of his hands as they extend to cut evil in half.
“Bamf” – This is what Nightcrawler teleporting mutant ability sounds like when he… runs away from evil.
Maybe we’ve been putting our wistful eggs of independent flight in the wrong aerospace technology basket. Jetpacks; long a favorite wish on this writer’s Christmas list to Santa Claus, have been repeatedly be met with high cost and 30 second flight times. I blame James Bond, and Elroy Jetson for inflating my hopes almost beyond reason. The winged flight suit (flying squirrel suit, wingsuit, or batsuit, depending on the brand) however has been on the periphery for some time now. Maybe gliding is better than thrusting? I mean a guy using a modified one, crossed the English Channel about 10 years ago in under 20 minutes. Is this our opportunity to soar to the Sun, Icarus?
Probably not. that ended badly. Wax. And I can’t wear a tuxedo while in that flight suit! I can’t jet to work either, unless I live on the top of Kilimanjaro and swoop down to the village. Then!!! How do I get home? Alright jetpack , you get your reprieve on some logistic issues. But we’re not waiting forever so get down to some Rocketeering!
Television could really use some Mr. T! Think about it for a second. How much better would Two and a Half Men be if Mr. T played either lead role; the womanizing playboy OR the awkward dentist with a penchant for self-misery? What about if Mr. T reported the weather or traveled America to empathetically report human interest stories from average people? Okay. Mr. T is twin heart surgeons with a dark secret on General Hospital! Nashville!! Holy pitied fools!!! Mr. T could play a down-and-out country singer offered one last shot at glory as the opening act for that pop-tart-harpy, Juliette Barnes.
Mr. T is tantamount to a talented, but underutilized utility, baseball player. Whoever is in charge of TV needs to try him out in as many positions as possible until something clicks. Hell, in our office version of Hollywood Squares, he’s in the top left box.
Have a great 61st birthday, Mr. T!!!!!!!!
We’ll probably host about a trillion summer movie articles before Labor Day. And you’ll read every damn one of ‘em! Today, we kick off Memorial Day (seriously, We know it’s early, but Iron Man 3 came out 2 weeks ago) with a guess that Movie About Summer Plot Quiz. One sentence is all you get, cinefiles. If you can quote Transformers 2, this might not be your day (most days might not be your day, in fact).
5) It’s too damn hot to sit in this room and talk about the street punk who is accused of stabbing is father.
4) Brooklyn was all about pizza, high-fades, and racially charged violence – at least in ’89.
3) So… your boss wants to have you killed; but instead he dies and, oddly, you duct-tape him to your best friend and head to the beach.
2) Traffic is a killer, if you’re a newly fired defense contractor trapped in LA traffic with a jones for his ex-wife and video game-style random access to high-caliber weapons.
1) Nantucket is the perfect place for a young cartoonist to fall in love with Demi Moore… and possibly Bobcat Goldthwait…
Recently, my intern, Ben, began a relationship with a girl who has a pink tail. Really. That is not code for anything. She just cosplays all day, every day as some imaginary pink tailed creature names Cheryl (which, coincidentally, is also her name). The thing shoots out of her pants and skirts in a way that makes you look twice. And then you think, “Did I just look twice, at that thing? Should I tell her that furry laundry is stuck to he?” I’ve learned to just stay away from the backside of her most of the time and focus on everything else that is normal. Because she is perfectly reasonable in all other respects, which is why she and Ben can’t possibly work out in the end (Sorry. Spoiler alert. I was supposed to preface that with “spoiler alert.” But seriously, Ben, you’re doomed.).
Regardless, this is a moment of respect for the way too serious cosplayers. A raised beer for those who commit to the lifestyle: the steam punks, the furries, the Wolverine side-burns guys, those brothers in the skin-tight spandex suits that are all one color and cover their faces too, the Elvis impersonators, the fat dudes dressed as a superheroes, the zombie hordes, and Cheryl. Keep doing you. Just don’t expect to bank loans anytime soon.
1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always [...]
The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced. There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home). The thing is, the writing [...]
Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, [...]
This Weekend is legendary Indy 500. Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming. Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson [...]
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Archives by Subject:
Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.
MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.
TUESDAY – Television. Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.
WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.
THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.
FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics. Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…