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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Archive for July, 2011

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

Like Stallone told the Russians in Rocky IV, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change.”

Stalloned Again

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

Over the years Sylvester Stallone has taken a lot of heat (some of it coming from this office). But unlike John Travolta or Nicholas Cage, he honestly seems to have most of his own hair.  We decided that in honor of the Italian Stallion’s 65th birthday, we’d list some of the good Stallone has brought us as well as some things we’d like to see before he retires his curling bar.

Stallone’s Good Deeds to Date

5. Gave to us the only movie solely about arm-wrestling.

4.  Introduced the world to two of America’s most enduring sweethearts, Sandra Bullock and Mr. T..

3. Without laughing to loudly, harlequin romanticized heroic characters with names like, Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, Lincoln Hawk, John Spartan, Kit Latura, and Robert Rath.

2. Made us care about Dolph Lungren again. There’s a lot to love there people!

1. Rocky freakin’ II

Things that Would Solidify Stallone in the Hearts and Imaginations of Unborn Generations

5. Play Vin Diesel’s dad in something that requires them to have pages of dialogue together.

4. Tell Hugh Jackman to take a vacation so you can play the short, old, crotchety Wolverine we fell in love with in the comics.

3. Bring in Carl Weathers, Mr. T., and Brigitte Nielsen for Expendables II. While you’re at it see if you can find the guy who played the Night Slasher in CobraThe Expendables franchise would truly benefit from more axe fights.

2. Give the people what they really want: a Tango & Cash sequel.

1. After each of your films that receives a negative review, remind that critic that you gave them Rocky freakin’ II!

 

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

 ”Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.” – Rupert Pupkin in The King of Comedy(Ahhh,DeNiro.)

We Heart Unicorns…Kind of

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

Usually when I search for something on the internet it’s like a Where’s Waldo hunt.  I start strong but get distracted by the hilarious vampires and garbage men who kind of look like Waldo, but are obvious red herrings.  You, are readers, however, are like Jessica Fletcher from Murder She Wrote. You get to the bottom of it without breakin’ a sweat or spilling your tea.

All this is a roundabout way of saying that we didn’t realize how much of a stir one little picture of a cyborg police officer riding a mythological creature through the heavens would cause.  Friday, to herald our return to writing a daily site, we posted a picture of Robocop straddling a unicorn.  This morning our inbox was chock full of other celebs astride majestic horned stallions! Seriously, you people we’re all over this!  Below are a few of the highlights (most are without artist credits unfortunately):

Classic. The Dark Knight fighting the good fight with the help of dolphins.

Why shouldn't Doctor Doom try to conquer the world? He's already got a unicorn.

Former Cubs' fielder Matt Murton should sleep with his door locked. Some fan put a lot of time into this one, like DeNiro in The King of Comedy.You have to wonder what the unicorn transforms into?

Unpopular Culture Returns

Friday, July 1st, 2011

We’ve been dropping the ball quite a bit over the past few months while on hiatus. We missed that humongous kraken the Chinese found washed up on the beach. We failed to report that Aquaman, as well as all of the funnybooks published by DC Comics are starting over again, hopefully giving the King of the Seas a little more street cred.  We watched in silent horror as The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum almost closed it’s doors for good. We mourned the death of Columbo, but failed to share it with our readership. We even kept our mouths shut when the CDC announced that it was prepping for zombie attacks! But no more!

We admit to all of our shortcomings, but we couldn’t let the 36th Anniversary of Jaws pass without comment.  As of Tuesday, July 5th we’re back to producing a daily fix of unpopular culture for you, our one reader. As a symbol of our love and revived devotion, please accept this picture of Robocop riding a unicorn that we found while looking for … ummm… pictures of Robocop riding a unicorn.  I wish we knew the artist, I’d hire him to paint a mural on every wall in my house!

That's how you protect and serve!!!!!

Now go enjoy your freedom! Eat a hot dog, drink a beer, and tell your friends about us.  See you Tuesday.

 

Friday, July 1st, 2011

It wouldn’t be the 4th of July without a Jaws reference: Amity, as you know, means “friendship.”

Friday, July 1st, 2011

WHEN ROAD-TRIPPING THIS SUMMER BE SURE TO VISIT THESE DAILYJIM ENDORSED MUSEUM EXPERIENCES

Friday, July 1st, 2011

The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum -

Jupiter, Florida -

The Bandit’s personal collection of movie and sports memorabilia including the freakin’ canoe from Deliverance! Yikes!

Friday, July 1st, 2011

The Museum of the American Carnival -

Gibsonton , Florida -

That’s right! The carnies have their own museum! Or do they?

Friday, July 1st, 2011

Monroeville Zombies: Museum, Gallery, and Attraction -

Monroeville , Pennsylvania -

Smack in the middle of the Monroeville Mall, where Romero shot the original Dawn of the Dead.

Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always [...]

Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing [...]

Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, [...]

Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson [...]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…