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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Thanks for Not Destroying Us, Mole Men

Nobody worries about the Mole Men any more.  There was a time, when Japan was going through their giant fire breathing lizard dilemma, all of America was bracing for the attack of the Mole Men.  Then it kinda’ went underground (Sorry. Not funny.).  Our country moved on to concern itself with a variety of other threats in the interim: aliens, super-spies, world ending meteors, terminators, smooth chested wolf-men, and zombies.  But where are the Mole Men?

I have so many questions.  Where have you been for fifty years?  What’s the story with alligators in the New York City Subway?  Are you characters keeping them as pets or food? Are there Mole Ladies? How does one become a Mole Man? Is there hazing like in a college fraternity? I picture your tunnels like an ant farm down there.  Is that pretty accurate? Do you guys have a website, or something, where I can locate my nearest subterranean lair? If you come to the surface, do you need just regular sunglasses, or the humongous ones my nana wore after her cataract surgery?

Due to my curiosity, I say we befriend our shy, near-sighted, Earth-digging, dirty brothers.  If for no other reason than keeping the lava creatures off our backs, I think we should pay ’em a little gratitude.   Hey Mole Men, drinks are on our corporate card next time you’re tunneling below Providence.

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…