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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Friday, June 23, 2017

New Year’s Resolutions of The Daily Jim Staff

“Finally break Kate Gosselin’s harpy like spell on me by focusing all my energy on Snooki Polizzi.”

“Stop insisting that Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”

“Eat more carbs.”

“Better prepare for the zombie apocalypse.”

“Quit pretending to be smarter than experts by spouting legal advice from Matlock and medical advice from House.”

“Harvest organs for Tracy Morgan and Burt Reynolds so the can live forever like Keith Richards.  It sounds nuts, but history’s gonna’ be the judge on this one.”

“Insist that all new interns know the difference between Cobra, the terrorist network that battles G.I. Joe, and Kobra Kai, the evil karate school from The Karate Kid, before hiring them.”

“Convince Oprah that Mr. Billy Idol needs his own show on O.W.N.”

“Lighten up on Spider-Man.  The guy is just trying to help, even if he did let Bono convince him to be in that wacky musical.”

“Capture the Hamburgler.”

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Dailies

Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…