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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Archive for January, 2011

If Zombies Ate Chuck Bass, You’d have to Admit that You Secretly Watch Gossip Girl

Monday, January 31st, 2011

Sons and daughters of Nerd-dom, I type this as The CW network announces The Awakening, a show from the production house responsible for Ugly Betty about a pair of zombie fighting sisters.  Now, I’m all for sisters fighting zombies – in fact, I’d encourage family unity during the Zombpocalypse.  Which is why we must now unite under the collective banner of our own dorkiness.

Let me remind you that while we have been highly caffeinated in our parents’ basements patching our over worn cosplay costumes and writing Firefly fan-fiction, Broadway is currently sucking the life from Spider-Man. Hollywood has over-run Comic-Con.  Entourage has reminded the cool kids who Aquaman is.  Stephenie Meyer has humanized vampires – fine, no on cares about sissy vampires – but then she shaved the chests of our wolf-men!  Our wolf-men!  If we let The CW take our zombies we’ll have nothing left!

Now, we all enjoyed what AMC did with The Walking Dead this fall as television’s first zombie show (I’ve got the bite marks to prove it. Ok. Kind of gross. Sorry.), but The CW is looking to Gossip Girl this thing and manipulate our zombies into selling Justin Bieber downloads and Subway sandwiches. This cannot stand unaddressed.

Denis Leary once joked that if the meek should truly inherit the Earth, it wouldn’t matter because … well, “they’re a bunch of meeks. We’ll kick their asses and take it back.”  I say to you, in all sincerity, if the meek should inherit the zombies, who will stop them from eating us?

XOXO

I can’t believe I just made a Gossip Girl joke.  Please disregard all of the above.

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

MOVIES THAT REMIND US HOW MUCH WINTER SUCKS!

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Dead Snow (2009) Norwegian med students look to neglect their responsibilities by drinking beer in the mountains, but unwittingly anger some Nazi zombies. Doctors: 0 Zombies: 9

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Fargo (1996) Jerry Lundegaard’s Seasonal Affective Disorder leads him to kidnap his own wife and try to dodge entrapment by North Dakota’s pregnant, cold weather Sherlock Holmes, Marge Gunderson.

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Frozen (2010) Three dopes cheat their way into a free chairlift ride as the ski mountain closes for a long weekend and strands them 30 feet in the winter sky.

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Alive (1993) The Uruguayan rugby team has to eat each other or they’ll freeze and die.

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Burt Reynolds at his finest: “When’s the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?” – The Cannonball Run

Must We Have a Red Dawn to Meet Mr. Spock?

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

It’s grueling to be forced to analyze pop-culture all the time.  It gives us more questions than answers to some of our society’s most pressing issues.  Also, it prevents us from talking to girls.

Is radioactive material a tool that gives us Spider-Men, Hulks, and Godzillas, as we all hoped, or merely here to create opportunities for Jack Bauer to save our collective ass from stupid nuclear winter?

Will new advances in medical science create evil fighting super soldiers and loveably cranky mutants or a just a terrifying zombie plague that will doom the Earth to several generations of horror?

Can we really rebuild a guy for six million bucks and expect him to do the government’s bidding out of obligation and a sense of right or are we setting ourselves up for a Terminator problem? I mean, from a cost-benefit analysis, Robocop was kind of a cluster f.

In order for governments to unite globally and eventually universally, creating a United Federation of Planets, will we have to go through some sort of Red Dawn scenario? Because, I like intergalactic space travel, but I’m not great with drinking deer blood or driving Soviet tanks.

Are we giving aliens a bad rap (that E.T. wasn’t so bad)? Or are the Predators coming to punish us because no one is showing ALF and 3rd Rock from the Sun re-runs anymore?

What We Think are the Most Underrated Comedies EVER! Really!

Friday, January 21st, 2011

The Daily Jim has a long history or workplace battles.  Most of them involve the best way to dispatch a zombie or get thrown out of a publicity event. When it comes to movies however, we get pretty brutal.  Action Man doesn’t understand American comedies because there aren’t enough groin hits;  I can’t figure out Angelina Jolie for the life of me; and Billy D. just yells at our intern, Ben, anytime he offers an opinion.  Amid the chaos, however, Bella La Lovely has been taking notes.  She’s our witness.  And during our latest battle of most overlooked hilarious movies she complied the following list of idiocy to balance off Oscar madness.  Press your freakin’ tuxedo t-shirts kids.

THE UNDERRATED

As the entertainment industry gears up for Oscar season, we at the Daily Jim decided to search the bowels of our movie library (namely Jimmy’s Netflix account) to share our favorite underrated movies. These may not be the best movies you’ll ever see, but they’re well worth a spot in your Netflix queue.

For best underrated comedies, the nominations are…


The Amateurs

Picture it: You’re a middle-age father with big dreams and no money. What do you do to impress your son? Two words—amateur porn. Starring True Grit’s, Jeff Bridges, The Amateurs is a fun, quirky film that’s great Friday night entertainment.

The King of California

If Gordon Gecko had a not-so-evil twin, it would be Charlie, a recently released mental patient who believes Costco is a Mecca for economy-sized consumer products and Spanish gold.

In addition to being a great movie, the King of California provides nuggets of might-be-true trivia. For example, did you know that California got its name from a 16th century Spanish writer? In the words of Charlie, “Don’t believe it? Look it up.” (If you do look it up, let us know if it is true. We’re really not sure.)

A Mighty Wind

“The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and…”

If you recognize this This is Spinal Tap quote, check out A Mighty Wind. Directed by Christopher Guest, A Mighty Wind is a mockumentary about long-forgotten folk musicians who come together for a reunion concert. The film features an all-star cast including Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O’Hara, Jane Lynch (a Daily Jim staff favorite), and Michael McKean, just to name a few.

This is a much better representation of ensemble music than a chick with a flute at band camp.

OUR HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Daily Jim staff was not able to agree on the merits of several movies, so after heated debate, a filibuster, and 2 restraining orders, we decided to include an honorable mention category. We also agreed on mandatory anger management training for Billy D.

Bowfinger

Starring Steve Martin, Eddy Murphy, and Heather Graham, Bowfinger chronicles a down-and-out filmmaker (Martin) who tries to resuscitate his career by making a sci-fi thriller starring Hollywood action star Kit Ramsey (Murphy). The twist—Ramsey doesn’t know he’s in the film. Needless to say, hijinks ensue. Described by MediaCircus as a delightful tour-de-farce, this film is well worth the $2.99 at your local Blockbuster.

Nothing to Lose

In Shawshank Redemption, Tim Robbins catches his wife cheating and ends up in an abusive relationship with the Sisters. In Nothing to Lose, Robbins catches his wife cheating and ends up a carjacking victim turned criminal. Moral of the story—unhappy wife, unhappy life.

Martin Lawrence co-stars. Big Momma Three aside, Lawrence is a funny addition to any movie. He makes you want to yell MART-IN!

Zoolander

Model-turned-coal-miner-turned-model Derek Zoolander is so stupid it’s funny, really funny. Starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Jerry Stiller (another Daily Jim staff favorite), Zoolander will leave you singing, “Relax don’t do it when you want to go to it…”

Where else can you see a Billy Zane cameo and a “freak gasoline-fight accident?”

New Year’s Resolutions of The Daily Jim Staff

Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

“Finally break Kate Gosselin’s harpy like spell on me by focusing all my energy on Snooki Polizzi.”

“Stop insisting that Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”

“Eat more carbs.”

“Better prepare for the zombie apocalypse.”

“Quit pretending to be smarter than experts by spouting legal advice from Matlock and medical advice from House.”

“Harvest organs for Tracy Morgan and Burt Reynolds so the can live forever like Keith Richards.  It sounds nuts, but history’s gonna’ be the judge on this one.”

“Insist that all new interns know the difference between Cobra, the terrorist network that battles G.I. Joe, and Kobra Kai, the evil karate school from The Karate Kid, before hiring them.”

“Convince Oprah that Mr. Billy Idol needs his own show on O.W.N.”

“Lighten up on Spider-Man.  The guy is just trying to help, even if he did let Bono convince him to be in that wacky musical.”

“Capture the Hamburgler.”

Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always […]

Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing […]

Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, […]

Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson […]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…