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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Archive for November, 2010

Creepy Love Letters to Liz Lemon

Monday, November 29th, 2010

I understand that fans often write letters to fictional characters.  I understand that Tina Fey’s alter ego, Liz Lemon, from 30 Rock, has a big following (including everyone in our offices), meaning she probably gets all manner of weirdness written to and about her.  What I don’t understand is why this one guy keeps sending his Liz Lemon love letters to us.

Regardless, LEMON SQUEEZER’s unrequited musings of devotion are strange enough to print on this whacko site; we just hope Lemon appreciates his creepiness like we do.  Nerds!

“The Woman and the Cheese”

You love that night cheese

In spite of Meat Cat’s warnings

Oh Cheesy Blasters!


Dearest Elizabeth,

I too wear a bathing suit on laundry day.  Mine has a walrus stenciled on the front in baby blue.  You strike me as a woman who favors the utility of a one-piece over the showiness of a bikini.  Not to say that your status doesn’t warrant a power tankini.  Maybe I’m dating myself, but it was a good look for a while and you could definitely do it justice.

When you get this please know I have interests beyond swimwear, including pizza eating.

You are the head writer of my heart.



L is for “Liz-ard,” a nickname that should have caught on.

E is for eating.

M is for the monkeys that you have working for you.

O is for optics – keep the glasses on.

N is for the nerds I must battle to win you.

Friday, November 26th, 2010

Burt Reynolds at his finest: “For the good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.” – Smokey and the Bandit

Friday, November 26th, 2010

Somebody tell Laura Ingalls-Wilder to sew Taylor Swift one of those calico prairie dresses.  And get an Aquaman costume for that blond kid from Glee. The Daily Jim has returned, insisting that the unpopular roam the cultural landscape with the overly cocky popular!  As always, Burt Reynolds and Lady Gaga can duke it out on their own.

Now, down to business.

Our, still unpaid, intern, Ben, will actually be doing some writing in a new ongoing Friday feature he’d like us to call “Handsome Ben’s List of Pop Culture Genius.” (NOTE – This will obviously not be the final title for the series, but we’re letting him put it in print just this once.). So …

Handsome Ben’s List of Pop Culture Genius #1: True Adages as Illustrated by Zombies

1. Actions speak louder than words. Because there’s no reasoning with the undead.

2. You can’t beat a dead horse. Of course you can’t. Beating a 800 pound, flesh eating zombie horse will just tire you out. Experts suggest cleanly separating its head from its body.

3. Curiosity killed the cat. And probably the first guy who said to a zombie, “Hey man, you don’t look so good.  You should eat something.”

4. Great minds think alike. Run away!

5. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Geez, that one just seems obvious.

Apparently Ben would like this to be the last time he writes solo for this site.  Thank you for your patience.

Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always […]

Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing […]

Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, […]

Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson […]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…