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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Archive for November, 2010

Creepy Love Letters to Liz Lemon

Monday, November 29th, 2010

I understand that fans often write letters to fictional characters.  I understand that Tina Fey’s alter ego, Liz Lemon, from 30 Rock, has a big following (including everyone in our offices), meaning she probably gets all manner of weirdness written to and about her.  What I don’t understand is why this one guy keeps sending his Liz Lemon love letters to us.

Regardless, LEMON SQUEEZER’s unrequited musings of devotion are strange enough to print on this whacko site; we just hope Lemon appreciates his creepiness like we do.  Nerds!

“The Woman and the Cheese”

You love that night cheese

In spite of Meat Cat’s warnings

Oh Cheesy Blasters!

————————————

Dearest Elizabeth,

I too wear a bathing suit on laundry day.  Mine has a walrus stenciled on the front in baby blue.  You strike me as a woman who favors the utility of a one-piece over the showiness of a bikini.  Not to say that your status doesn’t warrant a power tankini.  Maybe I’m dating myself, but it was a good look for a while and you could definitely do it justice.

When you get this please know I have interests beyond swimwear, including pizza eating.

You are the head writer of my heart.

L.S.

———————————-

L is for “Liz-ard,” a nickname that should have caught on.

E is for eating.

M is for the monkeys that you have working for you.

O is for optics – keep the glasses on.

N is for the nerds I must battle to win you.

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Friday, November 26th, 2010

Burt Reynolds at his finest: “For the good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.” – Smokey and the Bandit

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Friday, November 26th, 2010

Somebody tell Laura Ingalls-Wilder to sew Taylor Swift one of those calico prairie dresses.  And get an Aquaman costume for that blond kid from Glee. The Daily Jim has returned, insisting that the unpopular roam the cultural landscape with the overly cocky popular!  As always, Burt Reynolds and Lady Gaga can duke it out on their own.

Now, down to business.

Our, still unpaid, intern, Ben, will actually be doing some writing in a new ongoing Friday feature he’d like us to call “Handsome Ben’s List of Pop Culture Genius.” (NOTE – This will obviously not be the final title for the series, but we’re letting him put it in print just this once.). So …

Handsome Ben’s List of Pop Culture Genius #1: True Adages as Illustrated by Zombies

1. Actions speak louder than words. Because there’s no reasoning with the undead.

2. You can’t beat a dead horse. Of course you can’t. Beating a 800 pound, flesh eating zombie horse will just tire you out. Experts suggest cleanly separating its head from its body.

3. Curiosity killed the cat. And probably the first guy who said to a zombie, “Hey man, you don’t look so good.  You should eat something.”

4. Great minds think alike. Run away!

5. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Geez, that one just seems obvious.

Apparently Ben would like this to be the last time he writes solo for this site.  Thank you for your patience.

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Somehow We Missed Vin Diesel’s Birthday!!!!

Mark Sinclair Vincent has taught us so much over the past 44 years, we’re embarrassed to say we let his birthday slip by without comments.  So as a peace offering, here’s a few of our favortive Diesel-isms (you gotta do the voice, say ‘em out loud, and look as self important as possible – that’s the fun [...]

The Daily Jim World News Round Up

With Harry Potter and the wiz kids getting all the press last week and Comic Con sucking the air out of these here internets this week a few global  items got dropped from the the 24 news feed. In Vancouver, our neighbor to the north, a guy dressed as the Greek god of death yet wearing a [...]

Harry Potter and the Legion of Fanboys

Hogwarts is a mystery to me. And that’s okay. I was a fully functioning adult when J.K. Rowling hit pay dirt with her first book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. My intern, Ben, however was a pup in ’97 and cannot recall with any clarity a Voldemort free world. So it was no surprise [...]

Gift Ideas for Your Little Monsters

My wife, Red, and I have different approaches to gift shopping for children.  She likes her gifts to be symbolic in order to strengthen her bond with the child and somewhat educational in an attempt to spark wonderous curiousity. Me, I like to horrify the kid’s parents. The  Leatherface action figure from Texas Chainsaw Massacre – Perfect [...]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • WHEN ROAD-TRIPPING THIS SUMMER BE SURE TO VISIT THESE DAILYJIM ENDORSED MUSEUM EXPERIENCES

  • The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum – Jupiter, Florida – The Bandit’s personal collection of movie and sports memorabilia including the freakin’ canoe from Deliverance! Yikes!

  • The Museum of the American Carnival – Gibsonton , Florida – That’s right! The carnies have their own museum! Or do they?

  • Monroeville Zombies: Museum, Gallery, and Attraction – Monroeville , Pennsylvania – Smack in the middle of the Monroeville Mall, where Romero shot the original Dawn of the Dead.

  • The Starfleet Museum – San Francisco , What will no longer be California – Set to open in 2213, after Starfleet takes over the universe thereby supplying Captain James T. Kirk with no limit of seducible green skinned beauties. Really? Really? starfleet-museum.org