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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Monday, May 22, 2017

Archive for August, 2010

Zombies in Taiwan Get What’s Coming to Them

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Sure the nausea of a roller coaster or a trip down a wedgie producing water slide sound refreshing in the heat of summer, but no one’s really come up with an amusement park that connects with me as a zombie hunter.  Until now!  Pack up the family and your arsenal and head over to Taiwan’s Janfusun Fancyworld. Turns out that the Taiwanese are the first to figured out the critical ingredient in creating a zombie and monster based theme park.  Violence.

fancy world

Visitors encounter a terrifying vampire at Janfusun Fancyworld's Horrorwood.

In the Horrorwood section of Fancyworld (which hasn’t even been open a month), park visitors have been physically assaulting employees dressed as zombies and other scaries because of their realistic appearance.  That’s right.

“We put up a notice warning visitors not to hit staff members who play ghosts, and ask them to leave hard objects like umbrellas and water bottles at the entrance to the horror house,” one park official, who asked not to be named, told the German Press Agency dpa.

I say pay the ghouls time-and-a-half, throw some hockey pads on ‘em and let the rest of us practice for the pending zombpocalypse.

hockey

The Biggest Jerks from ’80s Movies

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

Growing up in the ’80s meant two things: knowing all the words to Home Sweet Home, and hating these guys-

The Conniver

The Conniver

The Bully

The Bully

But who is the bigger jackwagon?  We’ll give you the Tale of the Tape so you can make your own decision.

Actor, William Atherton has a weasel factor of  9 (incidentally, an actual weasel only hits a high 7).  He played some of the most loathsome minor antagonists of a generation, always distracting or complicating the lives of our heroes so they were tempted to lose focus on the actual bad guy.

william atherton

As EPA agent, Walter Peck he demanded that the Ghostbusters’ containment device be shut down.  “What is the ‘magic word’ Mr. Venkman?”

In Real Genius (an often overlooked classic), his Professor Hathaway was secretly scheming to sell Val Kilmer’s laser research to the military.

Bonnie Bedelia wouldn’t have had a purpose in Die Hard 2: Die Harder (I love writing that) if they hadn’t brought back the character of Richard Thornburg to stick a monkey in her wrench.

William Zabka might be able to order a pizza without spit in it these days, but in the ’80s passive aggressive victories were the only ones dorks could get with this jerk keeping us down!  This essential teenage villain made an art out of  bullying for most of our childhood.

chas

As Chas in Back to School he made life Hell for Rodney Dangerfield’s kid as well as a chemically imbalanced Robert Downey Jr.

He played the misogynistic boyfriend, Greg Tolan in Just One of the Guys.  This forced his super smart girlfriend to pretend to be a dude just to get some respect.

And finally – Johnny “I swept the leg on a kid who was half my size” Lawrence from the Karate Kid.  That guy deserves either his own article or a punch in the mouth.

We understand this is a tough bought, but we trust you, our one reader, to break the tie in our office.  Feel free to provide other contenders from ’80s movies who might qualify as a humongous jackass.

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

“Live every week like it’s Shark Week!” – Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

STRANGE THINGS WE SCREAM THANKS TO ’80s CARTOONS:

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

“Autobots!  Roll out!”

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

“By the power of Greyskull!”

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

“Inyuk-chuk!”

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form in to Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living!

The Art of the Shark

Friday, August 6th, 2010

As Shark Week has gained momentum over the years The Discovery Channel has had several creative marketing ideas to hype it up:

The Shark Week Rickshaw

The Shark Week Rickshaw

A Passenger Eating Shark Week Bus

A Passenger Eating Shark Week Bus

And a Shark Bitten Car

And a Shark Bitten Car

Very Cool. But, we’ve always been more interested on what regular weirdos like us are doing for public shark art.

Street artist, Kapo sharked up this Madrid subway ventilation shaft.

Street artist, Kapo sharked up this Madrid subway ventilation shaft.

A guy in Cardiff-by-the-Sea, California illegally encased this local monument with shark overnight.

A guy in Cardiff-by-the-Sea, California illegally encased this local monument with shark overnight.

Uhmmm... This French woman hung herself from fish hooks in the window of Lush to protest sharks? Or fishing for shark? Or Painting Parisians like sharks? Whatever it was, those are real freakin' hooks!

Uhmmm... This French woman hung herself from fish hooks in the window of Lush to protest sharks? Or fishing for shark? Or Painting Parisians like sharks? Whatever it was, those are real freakin' hooks!

In Defense of Jaws 3-D

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

Jaws 3-D gets a bad rap!  Sharks attacking Sea World is actually a pretty awesome idea.  Trapping an angry Louis Gossett Jr. in a glass, underwater control room and watching him Hulk out is even better.  Satcking a pre Back to the Future Lea Thompson on top of a water skiing pyramid sweetens the pot.  Add a post Breaking Away Dennis Quaid as Mike, the oldest son of Chief “you’re gonna need a bigger boat” Brody and you’ve got the makings of a pretty watchable popcorn movie.  Now, throw that whole thing in 1983, migraine inducing 3-D and freakin’ Avatar can go take a flying leap.

The imcomparable, Lou Gossett, just prior to a shark induced berzerker rage.

The imcomparable, Lou Gossett, just prior to a shark induced berzerker rage.

There’s really no down side.  It’s not derivative like Jaws 2 or flat out weird like Jaws 4(sharks with lion roars and a Hatfield vs. McCoy style long standing grudge against any Brody that swims or floats on their turf). Unfortunately you can’t watch it in 3-D anymore, but they left in all the long shots of skeletons pointing into the camera and dolphins attempting to break the fourth wall and click-clack directly with the audience.

It’s a Shark Week Classic!  As is this little Thursday bonus:

About six months ago Stephen Taubman at staubman.com posted a chart he worked up after seeing Debbie Gibson’s Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus (not to be confused with her yet to be completed, Mega-Shark vs. Gatoroid).  We’ve been holding on to it, just waiting for Shark Week!  I hope he does one that runs the stats on Debbie Gibson vs. Tiffany! You can see the poster in a larger image by clicking the link above.

megashark-full



Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always [...]

Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing [...]

Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, [...]

Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson [...]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…