Sure the nausea of a roller coaster or a trip down a wedgie producing water slide sound refreshing in the heat of summer, but no one’s really come up with an amusement park that connects with me as a zombie hunter.  Until now!  Pack up the family and your arsenal and head over to Taiwan’s Janfusun Fancyworld. Turns out that the Taiwanese are the first to figured out the critical ingredient in creating a zombie and monster based theme park.  Violence.

Visitors encounter a terrifying vampire at Janfusun Fancyworld's Horrorwood.

In the Horrorwood section of Fancyworld (which hasn’t even been open a month), park visitors have been physically assaulting employees dressed as zombies and other scaries because of their realistic appearance.  That’s right.

“We put up a notice warning visitors not to hit staff members who play ghosts, and ask them to leave hard objects like umbrellas and water bottles at the entrance to the horror house,” one park official, who asked not to be named, told the German Press Agency dpa.

I say pay the ghouls time-and-a-half, throw some hockey pads on ’em and let the rest of us practice for the pending zombpocalypse.

Growing up in the ’80s meant two things: knowing all the words to Home Sweet Home, and hating these guys-

The Conniver

The Bully

But who is the bigger jackwagon?  We’ll give you the Tale of the Tape so you can make your own decision.

Actor, William Atherton has a weasel factor of  9 (incidentally, an actual weasel only hits a high 7).  He played some of the most loathsome minor antagonists of a generation, always distracting or complicating the lives of our heroes so they were tempted to lose focus on the actual bad guy.

As EPA agent, Walter Peck he demanded that the Ghostbusters’ containment device be shut down.  “What is the ‘magic word’ Mr. Venkman?”

In Real Genius (an often overlooked classic), his Professor Hathaway was secretly scheming to sell Val Kilmer’s laser research to the military.

Bonnie Bedelia wouldn’t have had a purpose in Die Hard 2: Die Harder (I love writing that) if they hadn’t brought back the character of Richard Thornburg to stick a monkey in her wrench.

William Zabka might be able to order a pizza without spit in it these days, but in the ’80s passive aggressive victories were the only ones dorks could get with this jerk keeping us down!  This essential teenage villain made an art out of  bullying for most of our childhood.

As Chas in Back to School he made life Hell for Rodney Dangerfield’s kid as well as a chemically imbalanced Robert Downey Jr.

He played the misogynistic boyfriend, Greg Tolan in Just One of the Guys.  This forced his super smart girlfriend to pretend to be a dude just to get some respect.

And finally – Johnny “I swept the leg on a kid who was half my size” Lawrence from the Karate Kid.  That guy deserves either his own article or a punch in the mouth.

We understand this is a tough bought, but we trust you, our one reader, to break the tie in our office.  Feel free to provide other contenders from ’80s movies who might qualify as a humongous jackass.

As Shark Week has gained momentum over the years The Discovery Channel has had several creative marketing ideas to hype it up:

The Shark Week Rickshaw

A Passenger Eating Shark Week Bus

And a Shark Bitten Car

Very Cool. But, we’ve always been more interested on what regular weirdos like us are doing for public shark art.

Street artist, Kapo sharked up this Madrid subway ventilation shaft.

A guy in Cardiff-by-the-Sea, California illegally encased this local monument with shark overnight.

Uhmmm... This French woman hung herself from fish hooks in the window of Lush to protest sharks? Or fishing for shark? Or Painting Parisians like sharks? Whatever it was, those are real freakin' hooks!

Jaws 3-D gets a bad rap!  Sharks attacking Sea World is actually a pretty awesome idea.  Trapping an angry Louis Gossett Jr. in a glass, underwater control room and watching him Hulk out is even better.  Satcking a pre Back to the Future Lea Thompson on top of a water skiing pyramid sweetens the pot.  Add a post Breaking Away Dennis Quaid as Mike, the oldest son of Chief “you’re gonna need a bigger boat” Brody and you’ve got the makings of a pretty watchable popcorn movie.  Now, throw that whole thing in 1983, migraine inducing 3-D and freakin’ Avatar can go take a flying leap.

The imcomparable, Lou Gossett, just prior to a shark induced berzerker rage.

There’s really no down side.  It’s not derivative like Jaws 2 or flat out weird like Jaws 4(sharks with lion roars and a Hatfield vs. McCoy style long standing grudge against any Brody that swims or floats on their turf). Unfortunately you can’t watch it in 3-D anymore, but they left in all the long shots of skeletons pointing into the camera and dolphins attempting to break the fourth wall and click-clack directly with the audience.

It’s a Shark Week Classic!  As is this little Thursday bonus:

About six months ago Stephen Taubman at staubman.com posted a chart he worked up after seeing Debbie Gibson’s Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus (not to be confused with her yet to be completed, Mega-Shark vs. Gatoroid).  We’ve been holding on to it, just waiting for Shark Week!  I hope he does one that runs the stats on Debbie Gibson vs. Tiffany! You can see the poster in a larger image by clicking the link above.