Would You Let Fonzie Live in Your House With Your Teenage Daughter?
Last week in his Super Mega-Mailbag, Part II ESPN.com’s Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, received this comment from Brendon P. in Cedar Falls, Iowa:
“I nominate Jor-El for worst parent of the century. It’s highly irresponsible to put a naked baby in a space ship made of sharp rocks. It’s a good thing there is no child services on Krypton or his ass would be locked up.”
The Sports guy’s response was a simple, “Well, I guess it’s time.”
While thedailyjim.com staffers are big fans of Bill Simmons, we thought his answer could use a little further exploration – we actually wish Brendon P. wrote to us first ( NOTE – Brendon P., our intern, Ben, will be coming to Cedar Falls to interview you as soon as he earns enough by returning cans and bottles to pay for the trip).
Jor-El is a great example of really sketchy parenting that happened to work out. A theoretical baby Superman could just have easily rocketed into a theoretical black hole. Bam! Lois Lane would probably have become Batman’s problem. Likewise, Howard and Marion Cunningham renting their garage apartment to sex-crazed Fonzie could have taken Happy Days down a dark road with Joanie always hanging around! That guy, in addition to Pinky Tuscadero, was also “dating” several sets of twins!
The Karate Kid’s mom: “So Daniel, you’re getting beat up at school by a pack of milk money mini-ninjas … That’s too bad. You know that creepy little man who’s always looking at you needs someone to wax his cars and paint his fence. That should take care of your problem.”
There’s no way she could have called that one! Just like real parenting, a good deal of luck is involved in decision making. But if you’re a cop, like that dad from Twilight, you might also want to run a background check on your daughter’s new vampire boyfriend. He’s like 105 and still a senior in high school! Your tax dollars at work.
My wife, Red, tried to explain where the parents were on Gossip Girl, but I got distracted (Ben has since been tasked with watching Season 1 and reporting back). Did you know one of those kids wears an ascot like Mr. Howell?
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Dailies
“My lack of education didn’t hurt me none, ’cause I can read the writing on the wall” – Paul Simon ‘Kodachrome’
Gentleman Jim
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WISE WORDS FROM MOVIES ON THE VALUE OF EDUCATION
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“Things sure have changed since we got kicked out of high school.” – Johnny Ramone from ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll High School’
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“I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy.” – Charles De Mar from ‘Better Off Dead’
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“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Dean Vernon Wormer from ‘Animal House’
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“Saturday, March 24,1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did ‘was’ wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who [...]