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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Stop! Don’t Eat That Zombie Meat!

While the rest of the geek community is packing up their capes and social anxieties to head to Comic Con, we at thedailyjim.com remain behind to report on nerd news not happening in San Diego … also, we couldn’t scrape together the funds for tickets and travel without cutting into the money we were saving for Growing Pains: The Complete Series box set (almost there, Carol Seaver, you magnificent, suburban jewel).  Regardless, on to the disturbingly misguided product of the day.

Cashing in on the very real threat of zombies, the trend mongers at Harcos Labratories have just released a line on zombie jerky called “Teriyucky” that will allegedly make you more human than human.  Wait …. what?

From the FAQ’s page of the livingwithbloodlust.com site: “This jerky used to be a part of a zombie who had green blood flowing through it. Did we also mention that it has a whole 11 grams of protein? That makes it awesome, especially for the body builders on the run. Leave the protein bars at home and bring a bag of this delicious green jerky with you for during your workout routines and zombie hunting expeditions.”

To editorialize, we shouldn’t be teaching our children, or our bodybuilders, that it’s okay to eat zombies, no matter what color blood they have!  That jerky used to be somebody’s grandma!  And now that she’s undead and gross, you want to eat her?  I don’t think the science is quite right either.  It’s like feeding zombie bacon to another pig!

Figure 1.1 (below) clearly outlines the natural order of the food chain.

Figure 1.1: Food Pyramid

Figure 1.1: Food Pyramid

Our research shows the results of other experiments in eating zombie flesh.  See Figure 1.2 (below).

Figure 1.2: McDonald's early, unsuccesful, foray into zombie meat. Phot courtesy of www.inquisitr.com

Figure 1.2: McDonald's early, unsuccessful, foray into zombie meat. Photo courtesy of www.inquisitr.com

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Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

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