Dear Television, Where Have All the Ninjas Gone?
There was a time on prime time television when any small time villain worth his evil could hire himself a ninja to serve as silent bodyguard or surefooted thief. Eventually these noble, but misguided, warriors from the East would all be defeated by a good ol’ American haymaker punch – a staple of ’80s action fighting. But that’s not the point.
The point is that in 1984 the ninja could not be contained by one low rated, white-bread action-drama staring the Salami from The White Shadow and Sentenza from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Eventually they wanted to see the rest of TV Land, and what better way than as fearsome ethnic thugs? Unfortunately for them, the open shirted, hair tussled, American do-gooders who roamed the country side at the time also watched The Master.
Occasionally, Michael Knight and his talking car needed to take a break from fighting his diabolical twin brother and a talking eighteen wheeler; and who were they gonna take on? Aliens? Nope; no cool throwing stars. When the Incredible Hulk wanted to find a way to relax, he didn’t take up knitting! He found himself a dojo so he could learn delicate art of … well … that didn’t work out too well because Hulk not remember “delicate” part so good; but he sure gave those highly trained assassins what for. If you had the money to pay the A-Team, that meant that they had to finish the job, whether it was as simple as a couple of rowdy lumberjacks hassling a local stripper or as deadly as a clan of shadow warriors protecting a drug shipment. It was on Hannibal and the boys to deal with what came their way; you paid the fee, they kick the ass. Even our pal, Magnum, P.I., liked the idea of tussling with the shinobi once in a while – providing a black contrast to his colorful aloha shirts.
Okay, perhaps Crockett and Tubbs took it a little too far when they failed to stop a ninja blood feud from washing up in Miami? But that was the beauty of the ninja – you never knew when they would show up, you just knew they would (for an entire decade).
Today, CSI (and CSI: New York, and CSI: Miami, and CSI: Hogwarts Academy) has the technology and uncanny sleuthing to demystify the ninja and Chuck has given everyone ninja skills with a brain download. So what’s a highly trained, out of work, agent of stealth, and bringer of doom supposed to do? Drop the masks, lose the hardware and turn into sexy vampires. This will keep you sneaking around the channels for a few years until we forget all about ninjas and you can mount your counterattack on television.
Comments Closedblog comments powered by Disqus
“VARIANT COVER” – A comic book produced with different covers for the express purpose of having you, the comic fan boy, boy multiple copies of the same thing. Sometimes many covers will create a larger tapestry or work of art; others will be in 3-D; or have alternative concepts. We all love art or we [...]
1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always [...]
The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced. There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home). The thing is, the writing [...]
Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, [...]
This Weekend is legendary Indy 500. Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming. Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson [...]
Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.
MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.
TUESDAY – Television. Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.
WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.
THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.
FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics. Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…