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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Sunday, April 22, 2018

10 Hollywood Senior Citizens Who Could Beat You in a Fight

Our usually ridiculous banter around the office has finally revealed something semi-intelligible!  And … we owe it all to Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables!

I know!  I was surprised too.  But his collective of ‘80s action icon really got us thinking about who’s as tough as they once were. I guess, somewhere in our collective psyche we all believe that the movie heroes of our youth can still kick our asses, even as geriatrics.

We decided to rank Hollywood’s senior citizen tough guys. Our one criteria was simple in its stupidity: Who, over the age of 65, is still capable of walking into your house on Thanksgiving, punching you in the face, then walking out, scot-free, with either a delicious drumstick or your sister’s phone number?  Let’s find out!

10.  Bill Duke
Born: 1943
Arguably toughest role: Mac in Predator
Our experts say:  “I don’t care how old he is, Bill Duke has hands like frozen turkeys!  How do you combat that?”
9. Sam Elliot
Born: 1944
Arguably toughest role: Wade Garrett in Road House
Our experts say: “The guy only plays bikers, soldiers, or cowboys.  There’s a reason for that.”
8.  Terence Stamp
Born: 1939
Arguably toughest role: General Zod in Superman II
Our experts say:  “Don’t confuse charm for weakness.  Didn’t you people see The Limey?”
7. Ian McShane
Born: 1942
Arguably toughest role: Al Swearengen in Deadwood
Our experts say:  “I don’t think this guy got tough until his 50s, so there’s minimal drop-off in his scary factor.”
6. Jon Voight
Born: 1938
Arguably toughest role: Ed Gentry in Deliverance
Our experts say: “Angelina Jolie’s dad is no joke.  I’m surprised Billy Bob Thornton’s still walking the planet!”
5. Sean Connery
Born: 1930
Arguably toughest role: James Bond in Dr. No
Our experts say: “Connery’s a former Mr. Universe contestant; plus he’s always in a bad mood, Trebek.”
4. James Cann
Born: 1940
Arguably toughest role: Sonny Corleone in The Godfather
Our experts say: “Jimmy Caan’s not real big, but he’d stab you in the eye just to make a point.”
3. Danny Trejo
Born: 1944
Arguably toughest role: Uhhhhh, being a jailhouse boxer!  Okay, okay … Cucuy from Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Our experts say:  “He was in prison before Robert Rodriguez made him (and that humongous bandita chest tattoo of his) a staple of villainy.”
danny trejo
2. Michael Caine
Born: 1933
Arguably toughest role: Jack Carter in Get Carter(1971)
Our experts say: “Americans never really get the fearsome Caine.  We get Blame it on Rio and Cider House Rules.  Many Brits would put him in the #1 spot without question.”
1. Clint Eastwood
Born: 1930
Arguably toughest role: Philo Beddoe from Every Which Way But Loose/ Any Which Way You Can
Our experts say:  “He only wears high waisted pants to block stray kidney punches.  Don’t be fooled, Dirty Harry would own you in a brawl!”
Old Men Who Just Missed the List
Burt Reynolds – “The quintuple bypass has temporarily benched the Bandit”
Billy Dee Williams – “Lando ranks pretty high, but he’s a bit too cheery for this list.”
Keith Richards – “Keith’s only strength is that no one knows how to kill him.”
Lee Marvin – “The guy’s been dead since 1987, but I’ll bet he can still go a couple rounds.”
Tough, But Not Old Enough … Yet
Kurt Russell, Mr. T, Ray Liotta, Edward James Olmos, Mickey Rourke, and Carl Weathers

Omissions that We’re Prepared to Take Heat About
Sylvester Stallone(even though he’s only 64), Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Christopher Walken

9 responses to “10 Hollywood Senior Citizens Who Could Beat You in a Fight”

  1. Laura says:

    How about Gary Busey? He may not not the strongest, but he is bulletproof and would kick your ass. ButtHorn! At 66 i think that makes him a senior citizens.

  2. Laura says:

    How about Gary Busey? He may not not the strongest, but he is bulletproof and would kick your ass. ButtHorn! At 66 i think that makes him a senior citizens.

  3. sizod says:

    Harrison Ford, good one! 68yr old. Wow! He tricks us by wearing his pants a lot lower than other gentleman his age.

  4. jimpierce says:

    There was considerable discussion among our panelists regarding Harrison Ford’s place on this list. Sure he’s iconic (the guy’s Han Solo AND Indiana Jones), but our experts feel that as he’s grown older he’d only go after you if you had first kidnapped someone in his family.

  5. Alquawen says:

    HARRISON FORD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  6. Scaramouche says:

    Scott Glenn, and the guy who plays Mike Franks on NCIS.

  7. Simon Lee says:

    John Wayne or Jack Palance. granted they are both dead, they'll kick your ass from the other side.

  8. steve says:

    Hahah Awesome post!!!

  9. sizod says:

    No Charles Bronson?

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