10 Hollywood Senior Citizens Who Could Beat You in a Fight
Our usually ridiculous banter around the office has finally revealed something semi-intelligible! And … we owe it all to Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables!
I know! I was surprised too. But his collective of ‘80s action icon really got us thinking about who’s as tough as they once were. I guess, somewhere in our collective psyche we all believe that the movie heroes of our youth can still kick our asses, even as geriatrics.
We decided to rank Hollywood’s senior citizen tough guys. Our one criteria was simple in its stupidity: Who, over the age of 65, is still capable of walking into your house on Thanksgiving, punching you in the face, then walking out, scot-free, with either a delicious drumstick or your sister’s phone number? Let’s find out!
10. Bill Duke Born: 1943 Arguably toughest role: Mac in Predator Our experts say: “I don’t care how old he is, Bill Duke has hands like frozen turkeys! How do you combat that?”
9. Sam Elliot Born: 1944 Arguably toughest role: Wade Garrett in Road House Our experts say: “The guy only plays bikers, soldiers, or cowboys. There’s a reason for that.”
8. Terence Stamp Born: 1939 Arguably toughest role: General Zod in Superman II Our experts say: “Don’t confuse charm for weakness. Didn’t you people see The Limey?”
7. Ian McShane Born: 1942 Arguably toughest role: Al Swearengen in Deadwood Our experts say: “I don’t think this guy got tough until his 50s, so there’s minimal drop-off in his scary factor.”
6. Jon Voight Born: 1938 Arguably toughest role: Ed Gentry in Deliverance Our experts say: “Angelina Jolie’s dad is no joke. I’m surprised Billy Bob Thornton’s still walking the planet!”
5. Sean Connery Born: 1930 Arguably toughest role: James Bond in Dr. No
Our experts say: “Connery’s a former Mr. Universe contestant; plus he’s always in a bad mood, Trebek.”
4. James Cann Born: 1940 Arguably toughest role: Sonny Corleone in The Godfather Our experts say: “Jimmy Caan’s not real big, but he’d stab you in the eye just to make a point.”
3. Danny Trejo Born: 1944 Arguably toughest role: Uhhhhh, being a jailhouse boxer! Okay, okay … Cucuy from Once Upon a Time in Mexico Our experts say: “He was in prison before Robert Rodriguez made him (and that humongous bandita chest tattoo of his) a staple of villainy.”
2. Michael Caine Born: 1933 Arguably toughest role: Jack Carter in Get Carter(1971) Our experts say: “Americans never really get the fearsome Caine. We get Blame it on Rio and Cider House Rules. Many Brits would put him in the #1 spot without question.”
1. Clint Eastwood Born: 1930 Arguably toughest role: Philo Beddoe from Every Which Way But Loose/ Any Which Way You Can Our experts say: “He only wears high waisted pants to block stray kidney punches. Don’t be fooled, Dirty Harry would own you in a brawl!”
Old Men Who Just Missed the List Burt Reynolds – “The quintuple bypass has temporarily benched the Bandit” Billy Dee Williams – “Lando ranks pretty high, but he’s a bit too cheery for this list.” Keith Richards – “Keith’s only strength is that no one knows how to kill him.” Lee Marvin – “The guy’s been dead since 1987, but I’ll bet he can still go a couple rounds.” Tough, But Not Old Enough … Yet Kurt Russell, Mr. T, Ray Liotta, Edward James Olmos, Mickey Rourke, and Carl Weathers
Omissions that We’re Prepared to Take Heat About Sylvester Stallone(even though he’s only 64), Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Christopher Walken
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WHEN ROAD-TRIPPING THIS SUMMER BE SURE TO VISIT THESE DAILYJIM ENDORSED MUSEUM EXPERIENCES
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The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum – Jupiter, Florida – The Bandit’s personal collection of movie and sports memorabilia including the freakin’ canoe from Deliverance! Yikes!
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The Museum of the American Carnival – Gibsonton , Florida – That’s right! The carnies have their own museum! Or do they?
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Monroeville Zombies: Museum, Gallery, and Attraction – Monroeville , Pennsylvania – Smack in the middle of the Monroeville Mall, where Romero shot the original Dawn of the Dead.
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The Starfleet Museum – San Francisco , What will no longer be California – Set to open in 2213, after Starfleet takes over the universe thereby supplying Captain James T. Kirk with no limit of seducible green skinned beauties. Really? Really? starfleet-museum.org