10 Hollywood Senior Citizens Who Could Beat You in a Fight
Our usually ridiculous banter around the office has finally revealed something semi-intelligible! And … we owe it all to Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables!
I know! I was surprised too. But his collective of ‘80s action icon really got us thinking about who’s as tough as they once were. I guess, somewhere in our collective psyche we all believe that the movie heroes of our youth can still kick our asses, even as geriatrics.
We decided to rank Hollywood’s senior citizen tough guys. Our one criteria was simple in its stupidity: Who, over the age of 65, is still capable of walking into your house on Thanksgiving, punching you in the face, then walking out, scot-free, with either a delicious drumstick or your sister’s phone number? Let’s find out!10. Bill Duke Born: 1943 Arguably toughest role: Mac in Predator Our experts say: “I don’t care how old he is, Bill Duke has hands like frozen turkeys! How do you combat that?”
9. Sam Elliot Born: 1944 Arguably toughest role: Wade Garrett in Road House Our experts say: “The guy only plays bikers, soldiers, or cowboys. There’s a reason for that.”
8. Terence Stamp Born: 1939 Arguably toughest role: General Zod in Superman II Our experts say: “Don’t confuse charm for weakness. Didn’t you people see The Limey?”
7. Ian McShane Born: 1942 Arguably toughest role: Al Swearengen in Deadwood Our experts say: “I don’t think this guy got tough until his 50s, so there’s minimal drop-off in his scary factor.”
6. Jon Voight Born: 1938 Arguably toughest role: Ed Gentry in Deliverance Our experts say: “Angelina Jolie’s dad is no joke. I’m surprised Billy Bob Thornton’s still walking the planet!”
5. Sean Connery Born: 1930 Arguably toughest role: James Bond in Dr. No
Our experts say: “Connery’s a former Mr. Universe contestant; plus he’s always in a bad mood, Trebek.”
4. James Cann Born: 1940 Arguably toughest role: Sonny Corleone in The Godfather Our experts say: “Jimmy Caan’s not real big, but he’d stab you in the eye just to make a point.”
3. Danny Trejo Born: 1944 Arguably toughest role: Uhhhhh, being a jailhouse boxer! Okay, okay … Cucuy from Once Upon a Time in Mexico Our experts say: “He was in prison before Robert Rodriguez made him (and that humongous bandita chest tattoo of his) a staple of villainy.”
2. Michael Caine Born: 1933 Arguably toughest role: Jack Carter in Get Carter(1971) Our experts say: “Americans never really get the fearsome Caine. We get Blame it on Rio and Cider House Rules. Many Brits would put him in the #1 spot without question.”
1. Clint Eastwood Born: 1930 Arguably toughest role: Philo Beddoe from Every Which Way But Loose/ Any Which Way You Can Our experts say: “He only wears high waisted pants to block stray kidney punches. Don’t be fooled, Dirty Harry would own you in a brawl!”
Old Men Who Just Missed the List Burt Reynolds – “The quintuple bypass has temporarily benched the Bandit” Billy Dee Williams – “Lando ranks pretty high, but he’s a bit too cheery for this list.” Keith Richards – “Keith’s only strength is that no one knows how to kill him.” Lee Marvin – “The guy’s been dead since 1987, but I’ll bet he can still go a couple rounds.” Tough, But Not Old Enough … Yet Kurt Russell, Mr. T, Ray Liotta, Edward James Olmos, Mickey Rourke, and Carl Weathers
Omissions that We’re Prepared to Take Heat About Sylvester Stallone(even though he’s only 64), Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Christopher Walken
Comments Closedblog comments powered by Disqus
“VARIANT COVER” – A comic book produced with different covers for the express purpose of having you, the comic fan boy, boy multiple copies of the same thing. Sometimes many covers will create a larger tapestry or work of art; others will be in 3-D; or have alternative concepts. We all love art or we [...]
1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always [...]
The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced. There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home). The thing is, the writing [...]
Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, [...]
This Weekend is legendary Indy 500. Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming. Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson [...]
Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.
MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.
TUESDAY – Television. Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.
WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.
THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.
FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics. Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…