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Sunday, April 22, 2018

Stark Industries Poised to Become Spacely Sprockets

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To: Tony Stark, CEO, Stark Industries

Date: May 19, 2010

Re: Adopting an Innovative and Aggressive Marketing Strategy


As you’ve no doubt heard, President Obama dropped a bombshell on us today while visiting V & M Star, a steel pipe manufacturer, in Youngstown, Ohio.  President Obama confronted employees with,  “I saw the 85-ton electric arc furnace. I know you’re building Iron Man’s suits somewhere in here.”  Tony, even the President’s curious about the Iron Man technology.

While I understand you not wanting to turn over the Iron Man suit to the government because of your fear that it will be reverse engineered and weaponized. I even agree to a certain extent – you can’t put the genie back in the bottle once it’s out – but we’ve got to get these guys off our backs!  The boys in Marketing have come up with a “bread and circus” style campaign that will keep everyone distracted while increasing our revenues, therefore allowing you to fight evil on your own schedule.  Stark Industries is finally going to give the people what they want – technology from the Jetsons!  Good news is that it’s stuff you’ve already got laying around the mansion

THE OXFORD EDUCATED NANNY HOUSE: Research shows that people don’t mind a house that nags them in a British accent, as long as it brushes their teeth and dresses them for work.

MORE ROBOTS: Really good robots would be nice for once.  Personally, my Roomba keeps flipping over when it hits the corner of a rug.  Rosie the Maid is a great concept; we just slap a face on one of those are things you keep in your shop.

HUGE THINGS FOLDING INTO IMPOSSIBLY SMALL PACKAGES: We can single handedly wipe out the off-site storage unit industry!  Much like your travelling Iron Man suitcase, and George Jetson’s flying car briefcase, Americans want stuff that’s easily folded up.

FINALLY GIVE THE PEOPLE THAT JETPACK THEY”VE BEEN WAITING FOR: Using your repulsor technology we can easily manufacture cheap and functioning jetpacks for school-kids.  Adults would be double the size … which mean double the cost to the consumer!

Think about these concepts while you’re soaring above us protective democracy, damning the man, and making a tidy profit.  Martinis are on me the next time you’re in New Jersey stopping Mole Man from digging up the Path train, again.


Artie Pithins

Public Relations, Stark Industries

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