Sometimes, when I’m tired, I forget that Sylvester Stallone is a genius. I sleepily regret seeing things like Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Driven. I wonder how films like Cliffhanger got made with only fifteen minutes worth of dialogue. But after a few cups of coffee I recall that Stallone, the auteur, wrote all six Rocky movies and directed four of them. I remember that he adapted David Morell’s First Blood for the screen, and has two Academy Award nominations. Plus, he’s freakin’ Stallone … c’mon? The guy’s been working uninterrupted for forty years creating laughably memorable characters like Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, and the professional arm-wrestler, Lincoln Hawk, from Over the Top. And when most men his age headed for retirement, he headed back to the well to revisit the champions of his success – John Rambo and Rocky Balboa.
I celebrate Mr. Stallone on this spring morning because on August 13th you’ll agree with me. That is the date his Mona Lisa will be unveiled to the world; and we will all be changed forever. The Expendables is his latest action offering that has been anticipatorily headlocking the fanboy community for almost two years. Stallone has scoured the Earth assembling a super-group of testosterone and explosives the likes polite society has never seen. His line up includes Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. For the kids he’s brought in Jason Statham and Randy Couture. This is the reason Robert Rodriguez had to settle for Adrian Brody in his Predators sequel. Every one else was busy. If Stallone had grabbed Carl Weathers this movie would be perfect. If he’d grabbed Steven Seagal this movie would be surreal.
Regardless of quality,it’s like staging an epic battle across your whole living room with all of your action figures – Destro fights Chewbacca style. This thing is destined to make gazillions of dollars and maybe get Dolph Lundgren a He-Man remake. Please enjoy (as if you have a choice) the trailer at theexpendablesmovie.net. Stallone, you are one magnificently crafty son of a gun!