Superhero Style Watch: If Evil Doers don’t Fear You, Maybe it’s Your Sparkly Body Suit
There is a real and definite trend in ordinary citizens donning costumes to protect their communities. We applaud our neighbors’ efforts to make their piece of the world safer. With that said, our Style Watch department has five basic fashion tips for the would-be heroes at large.
SW Tip #1 – Unless you’re in the gym every second you’re not battling injustice, lose the spandex. Professional athletes even look weird in it. It’s unforgiving; and the last thing you want is to be self-conscious while dealing with ninja jewel thieves. Pants are a nice, practical option … maybe a jacket too…
SW Tip #2 – Pick an icon that symbolizes your ideals and work it into your costume. Bank robbers are more likely to be terrified by “Agent Dread” than “Captain Unicorn.” However, if your goal is to bring optimism and a can-do attitude to under privileged pre-teen girls, “Captain Unicorn” might be a good fit. Don’t be afraid to borrow an idea from comics or movies. The people from DC will probably let a little copyright infringement go if you, as Aquaman, just saved the Mayor’s daughter from sharks.
SW Tip #3 – Accessories are useful to the real-world crime fighter. Chances are you’re not invincible, so an array of weapons, tricks, and effects might just save your behind. If you made it out of cardboard, don’t combat evil with it. Conversely, if you carry a sword, someone is going to get stabbed (they won’t let you wear that Mexican wresting mask in prison, Stabicus)!
SW Tip #4 – Wear sensible shoes. Sure, high heels look badass, but try hopping a fence in them. Also, no flippers or bare feet unless you are in immediate proximity to a swimmable body of water.
SW Tip #5 – While there is some debate among Style Watchers about the practicality of capes, we say “go for it;” you’ve obviously got other things to worry about. That being said, if opting for a cape try to avoid, children’s swing sets, doors that shut quickly, propellers of any kind, dogs, and strangulation by villains.
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MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.
TUESDAY – Television. Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.
WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.
THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.
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