The MacGyver School of Applied Science and Duct Tape

Academy of Television Arts and Sciences is honored to announce the founding of the MacGyver School of Applied Science and Duct Tape.  This marks the first new college established at ATAS since the Gosselin College for Early Childhood Development in 2009.  The MacGyver boasts an impressively rigorous curriculum that will prepare students for opportunities foiling terrorist plots against the creators of South Park or fixing wobbly table legs at casual dining restaurants.

It joins the ranks of the Highway to Heaven Theological Institute, the School of Hour-Long Psychological Thrillers, our College of Product Placement, and the numerous other programs that make up our revered Academy.

Registration is now open for the following classes:

COURSE                                                            PROFESSOR

• What’s in Your Junk Drawer?  Should it be in Your Pockets?            (MacGyver)
• Escaping from a Well-Stocked Tool Shed                                               (Baracus, B.A.)
• Paradigm Shift:  The World is Your Toolbox                                         (MacGyver)
• Your Swiss Army Knife:  Seven Blades, One Revolution                     (MacGyver)
• Who Needs a Gun now, When You can make a Potato Launcher in About an Hour?                                                                                                                         (MacGyver)
• First Base: How the Gentleman Hero Approaches Romance            (MacGyver)
• Sewing a Beach Towel into a Fun and Useful Tote Bag                  (Stewart, Martha)
• Duct Tape as Panacea (Registration is Closed)                                    (MacGyver)

The MacGyver School of Applied Science and Duct Tape. “Give Me Sufficient Gum, Shoelaces, and Paper Clips and I can Build You a Big Enough Lever to Move the World!”

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 at 4:15 pm.
File under general. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

Comments Closed

blog comments powered by Disqus

My So-Called Zombie Life

• I wrote this Q & A for the November 2009 issue of Geek Monthly, where it was published in a slightly different format as “Ask a Zombie.”

  
  
  

• When I was alive I’d fight a zombie, but never wonder, “How’s this guy spending the rest of his time?” Die and learn I guess.  I will now attempt to answer just a few questions that I’d wish someone had taken the time from stalking and eating to answer for me when I was first [...]

  
  
  

• Question from Megan currently trapped inside the Old Navy in Forest Springs Mall, NJ

  “Why do the undead always look like they’re falling apart?  It’s really gross!” You’re referring to “body rot,” Megan.  As unsightly as it may be, zombies are literally falling apart due to decay. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be tidy.  I mean, I know guys with bugs crawling on them who are just plain [...]

  
  
  

• Question from Candice, hiding upstairs in your house

  “Sssssssssseeeeeeeth?” I know you’re hungry, but try to control your appetite.  There will always be dopes in the world; they’ll practically wander right up to you. I say, stick to gnawing on them, there is no shame in eating the slow or dim witted. The smart ones run really fast!  And good for them! If [...]

  
  
  

• Question from Professor Janice Warburton at Reanimation Laboratories, Gillette, Louisiana

  “Do zombies eat human brains exclusively?” Fact: Zombies eat whatever we can get our rotting hands on, brains, legs, intestine… I personally, enjoy throats and arms (man that’s just plain good eatin’).  I don’t know how this brain thing got started; there are worse misconceptions out there though, so this one is low priority.

  
  
  

• Question from Brian seat-belted in the back of a burned out school bus, OH

  “Grrrrrrrrrrawwwww! Mmmmmmmaaa?” Brian, Don’t bother trying to speak to the living.  They don’t get it!  In fact, they won’t get it until some drooling sap takes a bite out of them.  Generally they’re too busy screaming, running the other way, or spouting tough guy sound bites to listen to your rational. I have never gotten [...]

  
  
  

• Question from Colonel Samuel Doyle, stationed where Denver used to be

  “How do I know if I’m dealing with a slow zombie or a fast zombie before I get too close?” Me? I’m a throw back; I walk everywhere.  I mean, I’m already undead, what’s the hurry?  Some of these young guys like to run, mostly because it surprises the hell out of the living.  However, [...]

  
  
  

• Question from Karl, lurking somewhere in the woods

  “Hoo? Glurgggg?  Hooooooooooo?  Hoo? What about animal zombies, you ask?  I can’t tell you how many times newbies ask me this one.  My advice is always the same, if you can actually catch an animal and bite it while resisting the urge to eat the whole thing, more power to you.  Wildlife is both tasty [...]

  
  
  

• Question from “Anonymous,” drinking the last 7-11 Slurpees on freaking Earth in Pawtucket, RI

  “I heard that the government is working on a cure with some big drug companies.  I really hate freakin’ zombies… I wish you’d all die!” Great.  Thanks.  You don’t really get how this works do you?  I know where that 7-11 is by the way.  For the record, there is no cure for zombism.  A [...]

  
  
  

About the Daily Jim

Staff writers for thedailyjim can be contacted regarding freelance assignments, project consultations, and ego boosts. Your hair looks great, by the way. All content on this page is creator owned unless otherwise noted.

• Facebook
• Flickr
• Last.fm
• RSS
• Twitter