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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Superpowers Aren’t Just for the Muscular and Productive Anymore!

Out of nowhere, my friend, Billy D. confessed, “Nobody would ever hire me as a superhero because I’m a total jackass!  That, and I’d probably wind up getting some useless power anyway, like growing a dorsal fin or making extra snot. ”

He’s right of course; he is a jackass. But also, no one actually gets to pick their superpower.  What if you’re a cactus farmer from Arizona who can breathe underwater?  That’s a waste.  Movies and comics really just focus on people with advantageous super abilities that can be easily translated into either a lucrative crime-fighting or crime generating endeavor.

Without trying, I can count four guys who can stretch, seventeen who are just super strong, and twenty-five who can shoot something dangerous (either energy, fire, ice, or some sort of shockwave) from their hands. Pretty much everyone is flying these days.

Thedailyjim.com would like to know what superpower its readership would choose as most useful for their everyday lives.  We are, of course, eliminating “The Big Four.”  There will be no FLYING, READING MINDS, INVISIBILITY, or X-RAY VISION.  Anything else is fair game though, so power up dorks!

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This entry was posted on Friday, April 16th, 2010 at 4:23 pm.
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  • Fredo

    First off, I thought that the superpower that would most help me in my everyday life would be: will. With incredible willpower, just think of all the things I could…not do. Ok, willpower is probably more about not-doing, than doing.

    Hmm… the power to turn a fistful of dirt into cold hard cash! (without inadvertantly and adversely affecting the Federal Reserve here in the US, of course) Perhaps instead of ca$h, it would be prudent to avoid the whole counterfeiting thing, I ought to go with something shiny. Dirt –> Shiny. Monkey likes shiny.

    That'd get old real fast. I know I can do this. I can figure this out.

    “Bingo!”, as our wise elders say in church basements all across the country. I've got it. While I know the name is already taken the power to effortlessly clean could be real everyday handy-like. Especially when one of the kids vomits in the back seat of the car again. And my garage would cease to be the bane of my existence. That clinches it. I choose the power to effortlessly clean.

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Gentleman Jim

  • WHEN ROAD-TRIPPING THIS SUMMER BE SURE TO VISIT THESE DAILYJIM ENDORSED MUSEUM EXPERIENCES

  • The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum – Jupiter, Florida – The Bandit’s personal collection of movie and sports memorabilia including the freakin’ canoe from Deliverance! Yikes!

  • The Museum of the American Carnival – Gibsonton , Florida – That’s right! The carnies have their own museum! Or do they?

  • Monroeville Zombies: Museum, Gallery, and Attraction – Monroeville , Pennsylvania – Smack in the middle of the Monroeville Mall, where Romero shot the original Dawn of the Dead.

  • The Starfleet Museum – San Francisco , What will no longer be California – Set to open in 2213, after Starfleet takes over the universe thereby supplying Captain James T. Kirk with no limit of seducible green skinned beauties. Really? Really? starfleet-museum.org