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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Superpowers Aren’t Just for the Muscular and Productive Anymore!

Out of nowhere, my friend, Billy D. confessed, “Nobody would ever hire me as a superhero because I’m a total jackass!  That, and I’d probably wind up getting some useless power anyway, like growing a dorsal fin or making extra snot. ”

He’s right of course; he is a jackass. But also, no one actually gets to pick their superpower.  What if you’re a cactus farmer from Arizona who can breathe underwater?  That’s a waste.  Movies and comics really just focus on people with advantageous super abilities that can be easily translated into either a lucrative crime-fighting or crime generating endeavor.

Without trying, I can count four guys who can stretch, seventeen who are just super strong, and twenty-five who can shoot something dangerous (either energy, fire, ice, or some sort of shockwave) from their hands. Pretty much everyone is flying these days. would like to know what superpower its readership would choose as most useful for their everyday lives.  We are, of course, eliminating “The Big Four.”  There will be no FLYING, READING MINDS, INVISIBILITY, or X-RAY VISION.  Anything else is fair game though, so power up dorks!

One response to “Superpowers Aren’t Just for the Muscular and Productive Anymore!”

  1. Fredo says:

    First off, I thought that the superpower that would most help me in my everyday life would be: will. With incredible willpower, just think of all the things I could…not do. Ok, willpower is probably more about not-doing, than doing.

    Hmm… the power to turn a fistful of dirt into cold hard cash! (without inadvertantly and adversely affecting the Federal Reserve here in the US, of course) Perhaps instead of ca$h, it would be prudent to avoid the whole counterfeiting thing, I ought to go with something shiny. Dirt –> Shiny. Monkey likes shiny.

    That'd get old real fast. I know I can do this. I can figure this out.

    “Bingo!”, as our wise elders say in church basements all across the country. I've got it. While I know the name is already taken the power to effortlessly clean could be real everyday handy-like. Especially when one of the kids vomits in the back seat of the car again. And my garage would cease to be the bane of my existence. That clinches it. I choose the power to effortlessly clean.

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Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…