Sir Anthony Hopkins Chimes in Regarding My Vocabulary
During an interview for the February, 2010 issue of Vanity Fair, Sir Anthony Hopkins was asked what he most disliked. His answer? “The words ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’.”
I will wager that he’d be none too fond of the other commonly utilized artillery in my idiom arsenal either, such as “freakin’,” “dude,” and “douche bag.” Just a guess. That being said, I respect Anthony Hopkins immensely for his body of creative work. Personally, he’s kind of like my crotchety, British grandfather who complains about my hair and that damn “roll and rocks” that dominates the two stations he gets on his transistor radio in the garage where he paints miniature figurines and sips tea with just a dash of brandy in it. Also, I still have reoccurring nightmares about Hannibal Lecter eating me before I’m completely dead.
He is right though. I tend to overuse the words of a much younger man. Phrases for which, at this late date, I should be using adult equivalents. “Splendid” and “tip-top” seem to be suitable replacements for “cool,” while “astonishing” and “awe-inspiring” seems fine substitutes for “awesome.” “Freakin’” can likely be eliminated all together. It adds gravity to benign statements, but little else. “Dude” is going to be significantly more challenging to supplant since I use it in a variety of situations each with a distinct connotation. Perhaps a series of alternatives based on the particular circumstance?
“Dude, can you direct me to the library?” “Excuse me, can you direct me to the library?”
“That foie gras was delightful, dude!” “That foie gras was delightful, Madame.”
“Dude!” “I find your current actions unacceptable. Please consider ceasing them or I shall have to provide you with a sound thrashing.”
As for “douche bag,” I actually don’t use it that much, because I find it distasteful. However, if some dude from the Ed Hardy Squad elbows in front of me at the bar because he needs six more Tequila/Red Bulls for his posse of well-manicured boy-apes and that word escapes my lips, I would hope Sir Anthony would be cool and cut me some freakin’ slack. That would be awesome!
NOTE: I would like to personally apologize to Sir Anthony Hopkins for the material posted above, on the off chance he tries to eat me with wine and beans. Thank you.
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