There is something intrinsically encouraging about breakfast.  Perhaps that’s why they have dubbed it “The Most Important Meal of the Day.” Laugh if you want, but I take that kind of title seriously; somebody went through the trouble to think that up!  Picture this, after a late night, you wake, maybe even before noon (I’m not here to judge), to find that you’re still breathing and therefore must follow through with events for which the dead don’t have time.  What’s the first thing you do?  Eat!  Why?  Because your body is trying to play catch up; and breakfast is a time when you can declare, “I know it’s afternoon, damn it!  But I want an omelet and enough bacon to put me back to sleep.”  And that’s your right; this is still America, after all.

Personally, I find breakfast meats the most inspiring.  During lunch and dinner, pork has been relegated to the back seat to make room for the more celebrated meats like beef, chicken and fish, but breakfast’s meat needs rest solely in the able hooves of our pal the pig.  Perhaps its because I was unpopular in high school and want to see the underdog get his day in the sun, or maybe I just like bacon and sausage.  Regardless, after a solid serving of AM swine I feel emotionally and creatively energized.  Waffles and pancakes are little more than desert fare, but add a slab of Canadian bacon or a few links and you are about to begin your day with a substantial repast.

Think about it.  Breakfast is so vital that many independently owned diners and restaurants encourage it by serving it “anytime.”  I’m no economist, but that seems just like good business practice.   The significance of breakfast has not been lost on the fast food industry either.  Conversely, they stop serving it at 11am to promote a meal more convenient to eat while driving.  McDonald’s and its ilk have manipulated breakfast into their own convenient vision.  Therefore defeating the entire purpose.  Breakfast isn’t about convenience or speed; it’s about taking time out and getting a grip on what the Hell is going to occur before your next breakfast.

Brothers and sisters, I know you’re late for work.  So am I.   But it’s time we rise up (at whatever time you like) and shout, “I will not take ‘The Most Important Meal of the Day’ for granted! However, I will take an extra side of sausage and a refill on my coffee. Thanks.”

So, I’m watching two douche bags wearing rhinestoned, Ed Hardy t-shirts beat the Hell out of each other on a Wednesday afternoon …  I’ve been back on Long Island for six hours.

In high school I had a science teacher who used to tell us that, “Nature puts on the best shows in the universe, if you know where to look.”   She was right.  When on Long Island, I find that the best place to witness local nature perform is anywhere I hear the phrase “Strong Island” being used.  Visual cues include, but are certainly not limited to, men with fancy eyebrows and the fashion stylings of Don Ed Hardy.  I rarely have to wait long; but if you’re choosing to endeavor on a safari of this type for the first time please remember my guiding principle, “Do not interfere with nature in progress.”  I’m not saying if a dimwitted gazelle wanders into a herd of elephants, I’m going to let her get trampled.  But if two idiots from the same herd want to go head to head to over whose sunglasses have the lightest tint or who has the sickest rims on their leased Expedition, I say enjoy the majesty of nature.

Merry Christmas.