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The Daily Jim

All the wit that's fit to spit

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Archive for December, 2009


Monday, December 28th, 2009

There is something intrinsically encouraging about breakfast.  Perhaps that’s why they have dubbed it “The Most Important Meal of the Day.” Laugh if you want, but I take that kind of title seriously; somebody went through the trouble to think that up!  Picture this, after a late night, you wake, maybe even before noon (I’m not here to judge), to find that you’re still breathing and therefore must follow through with events for which the dead don’t have time.  What’s the first thing you do?  Eat!  Why?  Because your body is trying to play catch up; and breakfast is a time when you can declare, “I know it’s afternoon, damn it!  But I want an omelet and enough bacon to put me back to sleep.”  And that’s your right; this is still America, after all.

Personally, I find breakfast meats the most inspiring.  During lunch and dinner, pork has been relegated to the back seat to make room for the more celebrated meats like beef, chicken and fish, but breakfast’s meat needs rest solely in the able hooves of our pal the pig.  Perhaps its because I was unpopular in high school and want to see the underdog get his day in the sun, or maybe I just like bacon and sausage.  Regardless, after a solid serving of AM swine I feel emotionally and creatively energized.  Waffles and pancakes are little more than desert fare, but add a slab of Canadian bacon or a few links and you are about to begin your day with a substantial repast.

Think about it.  Breakfast is so vital that many independently owned diners and restaurants encourage it by serving it “anytime.”  I’m no economist, but that seems just like good business practice.   The significance of breakfast has not been lost on the fast food industry either.  Conversely, they stop serving it at 11am to promote a meal more convenient to eat while driving.  McDonald’s and its ilk have manipulated breakfast into their own convenient vision.  Therefore defeating the entire purpose.  Breakfast isn’t about convenience or speed; it’s about taking time out and getting a grip on what the Hell is going to occur before your next breakfast.

Brothers and sisters, I know you’re late for work.  So am I.   But it’s time we rise up (at whatever time you like) and shout, “I will not take ‘The Most Important Meal of the Day’ for granted! However, I will take an extra side of sausage and a refill on my coffee. Thanks.”

Into the Wild

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

So, I’m watching two douche bags wearing rhinestoned, Ed Hardy t-shirts beat the Hell out of each other on a Wednesday afternoon …  I’ve been back on Long Island for six hours.

In high school I had a science teacher who used to tell us that, “Nature puts on the best shows in the universe, if you know where to look.”   She was right.  When on Long Island, I find that the best place to witness local nature perform is anywhere I hear the phrase “Strong Island” being used.  Visual cues include, but are certainly not limited to, men with fancy eyebrows and the fashion stylings of Don Ed Hardy.  I rarely have to wait long; but if you’re choosing to endeavor on a safari of this type for the first time please remember my guiding principle, “Do not interfere with nature in progress.”  I’m not saying if a dimwitted gazelle wanders into a herd of elephants, I’m going to let her get trampled.  But if two idiots from the same herd want to go head to head to over whose sunglasses have the lightest tint or who has the sickest rims on their leased Expedition, I say enjoy the majesty of nature.

Merry Christmas.

Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Lessons in Bad Media Franchising and Merchandising

1) Saw 8: The Reality Television Gameshow 2)Live action movie of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3)The Tonight Show, starring Chewbacca 4) Deadpool vs. Punisher: The Musical 5) The Human Centipede sleeping bag 6) C-Span Live Action Role Playing Group 7) The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ride at Six Flags Over Texas 8) Your Parents Basement is Always […]

Where is Our Modern Barney Miller?

The single camera glory that was Barney Miller can probably never be reproduced.  There’s heavy debate in the office whether it should be or not. It was essentially a 22-minute, 3-act play with minimal characters and only one set (after Season One that also featured Barney’s dining room at home).  The thing is, the writing […]

Non-John Hughes High School Movies from the ’80s

Yep. Most of the high school biggies were our man, Hughes. But if you can name the 1980s high school movie quotes listed below, your might have been paying attention to something else in ’88 other than the MTV Beach House and that cute girl with freckles in your 11th grade Chemistry class. 5)”Last night, […]

Mark Your Calendar, Nerds!!!

This Weekend is legendary Indy 500.  Please don’t think geekdom is limited to cosplay and app programming.  Oh no, my friends. Two years ago our Mid-West correspondent, Billy D, and I watched those car dorks jump a humongous Hot Wheels truck  over a bunch of school busses and twice as many drunks while Florence Henderson […]

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Attention lonely geeks! “Drunk” is only a superpower at Red Sox games and ex-girlfriends’ weddings.

Gentleman Jim

  • MONDAY – Movies. Their glory and their hilarious tragedy.  

  • TUESDAY – Television.  Our favorite drug; constant and comforting, but often packaged with regret.  

  • WEDNESDAY – Wildcards! Probably a piece of weird fiction in which Spider-Man has to talk down Laura Ingles from making a bad decision.  

  • THURSDAY – Thesis-level Dorkdom. Jargon, geek terms and weird insight explained for the rest of us.  

  • FRIDAY – Fantasy, Sci-fi, and comics.  Like living in your parents’ basement only without the inherent desperation. Well…